Could we maybe meet tomorrow night?” I asked.“Sure. Why don’t you come to Rita’s for dinner and we can talk afterwards.”I went and let Shiggy use me as a crash test dummy for his beginners class. They were getting better. For some reason they enjoyed tossing me. I admit I had fun.After my shower, I went to the kitchen and found Little David was being cranky. Peggy looked worn out.“Here,” she said, and handed him to me.“Hey, little man. What ya fussing about?” I asked in a soothing voice.Our eyes locked and he seemed to relax as I gently bounced him up and down. He was soon sound asleep.Pam and Lacy looked at me in awe. They’d just discovered my superpower: I was the baby whisperer.“We have no idea why it works, but if you have a fussy baby, just hand them to David,” Mom said.“We tried everything,” Lacy complained.“It’s like everything else: it works better if a man’s involved,” I explained.I shushed them so they wouldn’t wake Little David with any rude remarks. We had a crib on the. They were assigning everyone to Kitchen Police like mad—and I wanted no part of KP. I asked around and as a result, volunteered to keep the coal fired furnaces running at night. So I did this every third night. I mean, how bad could it be to sit in a warm room and shovel in coal as needed? We finally got assigned to a training company, and it immediately became not very much fun. The first night around three in the morning, they started banging on the metal triangles for a fire alarm. I was upstairs, and when I stepped out in the hallway, I saw smoke pouring up the stairwells. I dashed down the hall, wearing nothing but my boxer shorts. The recruits were panicking, including me, as we ran out into a heavy, cold rain, looking for the fire. Well, what they had done was put a smoke grenade in an empty barrel at each end of the first floor of the barracks. After about ten minutes, the sergeant told us to go back to bed. The next morning, with no warning, we had an inspection. We knew.
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